Written by: Deborah Mitnick, LCSW-C
Courtesy of Gary Craig at http://www.emofree.com

Tapping Brought Us Closer and Made Me Understand

My 84-year-old mother has Alzheimer's Disease. She's confused and scared, but tries to keep doing all of her normal activities. She continues to go to the theater and the opera and has lunch with her friends.

I've not been very "big" about accepting her mental decline. I keep waiting for her to be the sharp, bright, interesting woman she used to be. But she's not anymore. And I've kept my distance and have felt internally critical of her for mentally changing. (Of course, I know she can't help it, but we're not talking rational here.)

She's been in physical pain for the last month since she injured her leg while bowling. (Because of the leg pain, she's even had difficulty driving her stick-shift silver Datsun 300 ZX!)

She's tried all kinds of medications and she's needed to use a cane when the pain's been severe.

I asked if she wanted to try some tapping on this pain issue and she welcomed the opportunity. She asked me to do the physical tapping for her because it's difficult for her to follow directions now.

During our first session, we tapped on the "leg pain," but there was no reduction in the pain. I then asked what the pain felt like. She said there was a "heaviness and a weighty sensation" and that it was a "strain."

We tapped for "emotional leg pain," the "weighty sensations of getting old," and "the heaviness and burdens that are now on me." Mother cried when we tapped on these issues. We tapped for "There has been strain in my life." And the pain diminished.

But it wasn't gone.

I asked her if she carried any judgment about this injury. (She's always been a perfectionist.) She said, "I may have done a foolish thing when I was bowling and I shouldn't have done it. I'm worried that I won't be able to walk anymore."

We tapped for "Although I've always prided myself on being perfect, sometimes I'm just human. I do the best that I can and sometimes things just happen."

With that, the pain disappeared! She felt wonderful, and she felt cared for by me! And I felt close to her and tender and gentle.

The pain was gone for about four days, but it returned. I wondered why. She said she didn't remember anything we had tapped for, but she remembered that it had helped. (Did the pain return because her memory for what we did vanished?)

Mother asked if I'd help her again, and yesterday I did. In my assessment phase, I asked her to describe the sensations she was having. She said, "It hurts the most in the crease behind the knee and in the mushy area below that. There is a weightiness and I need to keep it supported (with a pillow). Sometimes I put two fingers under there (applying pressure) and then it feels better for a while."

The metaphors in all of that began to jump out at me!

We tapped for "Even though there's pain in my leg and my brain feels mushy." She nodded. Yes. That's it.

We tapped for "Even though there's emotional weight that comes with aging." More nodding. More awareness.

And then I thought about the two fingers. What did they mean?

I thought about how difficult my mother's decline has been for my sister and for me. I thought about how we don't want to deal with this. We just want our Mommy back!

And I asked her to tap for "Even though I need support from people who love me, and even though that's sometimes hard for my daughters to give, I deserve support. I gave it out all those years, and now I need it from the people who love me."

Mother began to weep and weep and weep.

I said, "I'll say the words for you."

But I couldn't. I was weeping with her. And I cradled her head on my shoulder and I held her and hugged her and patted her while she made the noises that I remember making when I was a scared little girl.

And I began to remember that I had once needed her and she did her best to be there for me.

Now she needs me. Tapping helped me realize that. I want to be there for her now. I'm now ready to forgive her for whatever perceived hurts I've still been carrying around. I'm now ready to be emotionally closer to her.

Tapping brought us closer.

Her leg pain is gone for now. I'll go back and work with her again, if it returns.

But mostly, I just want to be with her now. I want us to have whatever quality time is left to us while she can remember me. I want to reminisce with her. I want to cherish her. I want to be at peace with her.